Twisted Logic

FROM THE ARCHIVES (Daily Nebraskan columns)

Twisted Logic

Perverse reasoning justifies 'don't ask, don't tell'

Jeremy Patrick (jhaeman@hotmail.com)

February 28, 2000

I don't know any gay people (because the Bible says not to consort with sinners), but I sure am glad they're not allowed to serve openly in the military. Like my progressive friend Alan Keyes, I believe homosexuals are an abomination and would prefer that they be completely banned from the military. However, I understand the political realities of the situation: the fault lies with flaming leftist radicals like Al Gore and Bill Clinton.

There has been some pressure on the United States to change its "don't ask, don't tell" policy and allow gays to serve openly. Recently, for example, Britain completely lifted its ban on gays in the military. However, a close look at the facts shows this to be a terrible mistake. Look at what has happened to the once-vaunted British army since it lifted the ban: in the few months since the decision, over two officers have quit in protest, and surely thousands more will follow.
How can the British High Command hope to staunch the flow? Only by reinstating the ban on gays in the army.

The lifting of the ban in Britain should have no influence on U.S. policy because our countries are vastly different; we all know Britain is a godless country of pagan hedonists. Perhaps when our level of morality and civilization has fallen to the level of Great Britain, then we can consider allowing gays to serve in the military.

Others point out that Israel has allowed gays to serve since 1993. This is completely irrelevant. Orthodox Judaism is a bastion of liberal propaganda. Israel is also a secure place, surrounded by friendly neighbors. They don't have to worry about foreign threats like we do. Military superpowers like Mozambique and Latvia have always banned gay soldiers. How are we going to keep up with them if we don't do the same?

Allowing gays to serve in the military would be disastrous because it would disrupt the morale of our highly-disciplined soldiers. Polls of enlisted men and the unanimous stance of the Joint Chiefs of Staff demonstrate this, regardless of what the commander in chief thinks.

In the 1940s, when President Truman wanted to integrate black soldiers with white soldiers against the wishes of the Joint Chiefs, did he succeed? Of course not! The integration of black and white soldiers would have destroyed morale and maybe even have caused us to lose Vietnam.

If military veteran George W. Bush says gays shouldn't serve, that's good enough for me.

Think about this issue from the average enlisted man's perspective. Imagine yourself on a long-range reconnaissance patrol in the humid jungles of Iraq. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, bullets whiz over your head as you dive for cover.

You're pinned!

You turn to shout for someone to bring up the M-60 to lay down some covering fire, but then you remember that soldier might be gay!

In the heat of battle, inches between life and death, only one thing matters: the sexual orientation of one's fellows.

What if we allowed gay policemen, firemen, store clerks or professors? Clearly law enforcement, fire prevention, commerce and education would crumble from within. It would be the downfall of western civilization as we know it.

If gays aren't qualified to do any of these things, they're certainly not qualified to serve in the U.S. military.

How could they contribute anyway? Does the army really need an elite battalion of go-go boys, home decorators and hair dressers?

I don't think so.

Look at the practical difficulties: what if two gay guys were on a submarine and one got pregnant? Or if a marine deserted in the middle of an amphibious assault to visit a gay bath-house in San Francisco?

Allowing gays to serve is a slippery slope. The next thing you know, some feminazi will say women should be allowed to serve in the military, too.

When it comes down to it, if anyone should be allowed to get killed for this country, it's us heterosexuals. Allowing anyone else the privilege simply defies common sense.

© 2001 Daily Nebraskan Online (www.dailyneb.com)

One Thing or Your Mother

FROM THE ARCHIVES (Buffy book reviews)

One Thing or Your Mother

Kirsten Beyer (2008)

RATING: 4/5 Stakes

SETTING: Season 2

T.V. CHARACTER APPEARANCES: Buffy, Angelus, Drusilla, Spike, Willow, Principal Snyder, Giles, Joyce, Xander, Cordelia, Larry, Johnathan, Oz, Detective Stein, Detective Winslow, The Mayor, Allan

MAJOR ORIGINAL CHARACTERS: Josh Grodin (demon summoner), Paulina Snyder (Principal's mom), Todd Harter (tutor), Callie (child vamp)

BACK-OF-THE-BOOK SUMMARY: "It's tough being a teenage Slayer. On the verge of failing her junior year--thanks to annoying Principal Snyder, who seems to be acting even stranger than usual lately--Buffy agrees to meet with a tutor. Not helping her studies is the fact that lately she's been exhausted, waking up each morning feeling more tired than she did the night before. To make matters worse, she's tasked with investigating the disappearance of a child . . . a little girl who happens to have gone missing mere hours before a child vampire surfaced in Sunnydale, accompanied by a wheelchair-bound male who fits Spike's description perfectly. Fighting off exhaustion and uneasy at the prospect of staking a child vamp, Buffy learns that Principal Snyder is the target of a sleep-deprivation spell that has taken over Sunnydale. Putting aside her fear that her tutor is out to get her, and hoping that the sleeping spell is affecting both humans and demons, Buffy investigates Snyder's off behavior. She follows him to his childhood home to discover that he has arranged to have his abusive mother banished to the demon dimension. Meanwhile, Drusilla, who has been playing mother figure to the child vampire, is learning how difficult it is to be a parent. As sleep takes hold of the citizens of Sunnydale, Buffy beings to realize that unless she breaks the spell soon, the nightmare is just beginning."

REVIEW

Whew! The summary on the back of the book is almost as long as the book itself! With such a thorough description of the plot already provided, I can move right into some commentary. One Thing or Your Mother is set in Buffy Season Two and the author has paid close attention to continuity and included several minor characters from the show, like Larry, Allan, and police detectives Winslow & Stein. The revelation that Principal Snyder had to make a deal with The Mayor to have the abusive Mrs. Snyder sent to a demon dimension is done quite well and adds some strange sympathy to the figure of Principal Snyder. The subplot involving Drusilla deciding to be "mother" to a vampire child is also well-written and includes excellent portrayals of Drusilla's fickleness, Angelus' volatility, and Spike's ability to show tenderness as surprising times. Overall, the book has a creepy, dark feel that is missing from too many Buffy novels. It's one worth picking up.

Mixed Media

FROM THE ARCHIVES (Daily Nebraskan columns)

Mixed Media

Gays, lesbians have gained television ground, but they have a long way to go

Jeremy Patrick (jhaeman@hotmail.com)

February 21, 2000

In media circles, 1999 will be remembered as the Year of the Queer. Gays and lesbians seemed to be everywhere on TV. Calista Flockhart shared a passionate kiss with Liu Lang in "Ally McBeal"'s highest rated episode ever. "Will & Grace" became one of NBC's highest rated shows. Teen heartthrob Jack on "Dawson's Creek" came out of the closet.
In fact, there are now 27 gay and lesbian characters on prime-time television, nearing the number of characters from all other minority groups combined (Minneapolis-St.Paul Star Tribune, 11/7/99).
But the prospect of gays on TV might not be as bright as it seems. Recently for example, conservative radio talk-show host and syndicated newspaper columnist Laura Schlessinger was offered her own hour-long, weekday television show by Paramount. Schlessinger, a recent convert to orthodox Judaism, is famous for verbal tirades against single mothers, gays and others who call into her show for "advice."
Schlessinger believes homosexuality was removed from the list of mental disorders by the American Psychological Association 30 years ago only because of pressure from gay lobbyists, not because of scientific evidence. Dr. Laura is a huge proponent of reparative therapy - the belief that gays and lesbians can be "cured" through psychological treatment (Schlessinger's own Ph.D. is in physiology, not psychology).
Discussing equal rights for gays and lesbians, Schlessinger says: "Rights? For sexual deviants, sexual behavior, there are now rights? That's what I'm worried about with the pedophilia and the bestiality and the sadomasochism and the cross-dressing. Is this all going to be rights, too? Why does deviant sexual behavior get rights?" (Advocate, 2/15/00).
Now, in addition to being on 500 radio stations and in 100 newspapers, Schlessinger will be able to bring these "enlightened" views on gays and lesbians to millions of television viewers nationwide in the comfort of their living rooms.
Pat Buchanan is another anti-gay media star. Buchanan got his start co-hosting CNN's "Crossfire." Although he's now on leave from the show for another run for President, Buchanan called for a "culture war" on gays and other "threats" to the "American family." In a column written in June of 1983, during the first months of the AIDS crisis, he said, "The poor homosexuals. They have declared war on nature, and now nature is exacting an awful retribution."
Buchanan has also said, "It was militant homosexuals who first stormed across society's old borders. And it is they who are assaulting positions while painting themselves as victims of social and legal persecution ... their conduct cannot command our respect, because it so violently contradicts our beliefs. If that be 'homophobia,' make the most of it." (San Francisco Examiner, 9/17/94) This is not "compassionate conservatism." Now this man is running for President in the third-largest political party in America, with tens of millions of dollars in federal matching funds at his disposal.
Much of the media, though not anti-gay, remains plagued with confusion about the gay community. Recently, for example, in what was meant to be an objective analysis of the military's ban on openly gay soldiers, a column in the Omaha World-Herald titled "Gays in military: Both sides err" listed as one good argument against allowing gays to serve openly is "Would grizzled Green Berets, for example, be permitted to sashay around in drag during off-duty hours?" This glaring failure to grasp the distinction between sexual orientation and gender identity is a good example of how far the media still has to go.
Still, the trend towards having visible gay characters in television, movies and other media bodes well for the future. Too often I hear from gay friends that they thought they were the only one in high school. Seeing gay characters will help gay adolescents realize they are not alone and that there is nothing wrong with them. It will also show straight kids that being gay isn't such a big deal. The gay teens of tomorrow will be happier and less neurotic than any previous generation, and the straight teens of tomorrow will be more tolerant and accepting.
With these prospects for the future, my only regret is that all the gay media in the world won't have any effect on the bigots already in place.

Copyright 2001 Daily Nebraskan Online (dailyneb.com)

Everyone Says Hello

Everyone Says Hello was one of the first Torchwood audio books. Read by Burn Gorman (Owen), it's the story of a strange phenomenon: all over Cardiff, people stop living their lives and begin introducing themselves to each other and telling each other their life's stories, usually leading with the most mundane details. Things escalate from there, until Cardiff reaches an almost apocalyptic state, overrun with zombie-like people who insist on either converting or killing everyone else.

This is a long story (2 and 1/2 hours) compared to the 45-minute audio plays the BBC recently released, and frankly I think it would have come across better in the shorter format. The central idea behind this story (people acting creepily friendly) very quickly grows tiresome and repetitive. Way too much time is spent on forgettable side characters. The story picks up a little bit near the very end, when there's some action, excitement, and general running-around. I've liked some of what Dan Abnett has done on Torchwood, but this story just lacked real drama, humor, or enough of a hook to keep the story going for such a long time.

Torchwood Magazine # 3

Issue three is again heavy on interviews (actor Burn Gorman, director Jonathan Fox Bassett, guest star Richard Briers) and behind-the-scenes special effects (filming Owen underwater and ageing Martha in Dead Man Walking). There's a fun description of what it was like to film the big, chaotic wedding episode and a nicely drawn comic strip about alien dueling machines, Jetsam. A brief article is titled "Torchwood inspires UFO sightings, says academic"--apparently, UFO sightings over Wales have risen dramatically (up to an amazing total of nine) since the show premiered.

Torchwood: Day One (S1, E2)

"You might want to stop saying 'you' and start saying 'we.'"

Day One (Season One, Episode Two) ("Torchwood must stop a sex-addicted alien as it leaves a trail of gruesome deaths in its wake.")

What I Liked

* Carys, and the actress playing her (Sara Lloyd Gregory). There's a surprising poignancy and depth to a situation that could have been portrayed in a very cheesy way.

* As they approach the scene of the crashed meteorite, Jack says "Assume standard formation." Gwen asks, "What's standard?" The response: "It varies."

* Tosh, Jack, and Owen watching on the security cameras while Gwen makes out with the alien-possessed girl. They have trouble tearing themselves away to go and help her.

* Jack, watching a replay of how the alien-possessed girl disintegrated the guy she was having sex with, just as he reached orgasm: "He came. And went."

* When Carys escapes the Hub, she breaks the container that holds the Doctor's hand. Instead of going after her, Jack focusses all of his attention on getting the hand back into a safe place.

* Gwen does seem to bring a sense of compassion that looks to be lacking in the very jaded and cynical Torchwood crew.

What I Didn't Like

* Nothing--perfect Torchwood as far as I'm concerned.

What I'm Not Sure About

* According to ever-reliable Wikipedia, the actress who played Carys began dating the guy who played Ianto after this episode was shot. They've broken up since, however.

* The alien entity (never named) can only feed off male sexual energy--why?

Commentary

By: Richard Stokes (producer), Chris Chibnall (writer), Eve Myles (actress)

Tone: Relatively balanced, with a reasonable discussion of what the creators felt they could have improved on.

Interesting Bits:

* Chris Chibnall on how writing episode two of a new t.v. series is much harder and, in some ways, more important than writing episode one because episode two sets the basic format and tone that the viewer will expect subsequent episodes to follow for the rest of the series--including things like "Will the viewer figure things out at the same time as the Torchwood team, or will they know more?" and "How much time and backstory should be devoted to guest stars, especially if the cast isn't a part of those scenes?"

* This episode was actually filmed before the first episode.

* Eve Myles' anecdote that involves John Barrowman in a pair of Transformers pajamas. Also, in order to keep crew morale up, he likes to sing show tunes during the long night shoots--a very cool thing.

Deleted Scenes

* A very brief scene of Gwen walking into the fake tourism office to report for her first mission.

* Another example of Carys killing an old boyfriend.

Torchwood Declassified: "Bad Day at the Office"

* Interviews with Eve Myles and John Barrowman on the theme of Jack testing Gwen and Gwen's big mistake in allowing the alien entity to escape.

* Interviews with Davies and others on the thinking behind the "sex monster" plot.

* A tour of the Hub. An amazing set. I want to move in, but my sig-other says it's too dangerous.

Go Ask Malice

FROM THE ARCHIVES (Buffy book reviews)

Go Ask Malice: A Slayer's Diary

Robert Joseph Levy (2006)

RATING: 5/5 Stakes

SETTING: Season Three

T.V. CHARACTER APPEARANCES: Faith, Kakistos

MAJOR ORIGINAL CHARACTERS: Diana Dormer (Watcher); Faith's Mother; George Lehane (Faith's Father); Kenny (psychic & boyfriend); Vanity Collins (social worker); Alex (imaginary friend/Slayer soul?)

BACK-OF-THE-BOOK SUMMARY: "Faith has always been a loner. Growing up in a broken home in South Boston, shuffled from relative to relative, her only companion was an imaginary friend named Alex, who helped her escape into a fantasy world of monsters and the supernatural, far from the real-life horrors of the waking world. Now, taken away from her mother by social services and shipped off to a foster home, Faith learns that some nightmares are all too real, that the inventions of her childhood really do haunt the night, hungry for blood. Enter Diana Dormer, a Harvard professor and representative of the Watchers Council who has come to tell Faith of her destiny, to train her, to prepare her for what is to come: Faith is the Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. But she's not alone. When Alex, her childhood companion, returns in her dreams, she warns Faith that someone else is coming to her, a force so deadly and unforgiving that it has inspired fear in the underworld for a thousand generations. Its name is Malice. As memory and fantasy begin to merge, Faith's two worlds collide, with cataclysmic results. A violent battle for the Slayer's soul is staged, winner take all. This is her story. . . ."

REVIEW

The stylistic conceit behind Go Ask Malice is that it is the diary of Faith found in an archaeological expedition of Sunnydale after the end of Season Seven (though the last entry takes place just prior to Season Three). The concept works beautifully, as Faith has a strong first-person voice and seeing events from her perspective offers insight in to her character and background that would be much harder to achieve in normal third-person storytelling. The television show hinted that Faith had a troubled upbringing, but this book really fleshes it out as we encounter Faith's frequently-absent mother (who becomes a prostitute), her incarcerated father, her bouncing around foster homes, and more. We're also introduced to Faith's first Watcher, Professor Diana Dormer and learn much more about the backstory of Kakistos, the demon responsible for killing Dormer and driving Faith out of Boston. Kakistos was polished off in a single episode in Buffy (and probably wasn't handled very well), but here the demon has a nice menacing aura and build-up through prophetic dreams that Faith is having. The fact that the reader already knows that Kakistos kills Dormer lends a pall of impending tragedy over the book that works very well because the reader is constantly kept guessing as to how and when it'll happen.

Suffice it to say, Go Ask Malice is a very dark book--something the too-sacharine Buffy novel line desperately needed. If you only like happy endings or can't stand Faith, this isn't the book for you. Otherwise, I highly recommend it (and hope the author can get talked into writing some stories for the Buffy comic).