Thursday, August 18, 2011

Hell Frozen Over: First Prologue

HELL FROZEN OVER
By Jeremy Patrick (jhaeman@hotmail.com)
CONTINUITY NOTE: Portions of this story take place during Buffy’s junior year of high school, before the events described in the second-season episodes Surprise and Innocence, while other portions take place approximately two weeks after the end of the sixth season, but before Spike has regained his soul.
FIRST PROLOGUE: FOUR YEARS, SIX MONTHS AGO
The glass shattered on the tile floor, sending broken shards scattering as a small puddle of apple juice spread rapidly in all directions.
“Damn it Katie!” Michael Tintsman yelled. “Just . . . just go to your room! And watch your feet."
“Michael, calm down,” said Maggie Tintsman, watching Katie carefully pick her way across the tile floor, careful to avoid the merest drop of the juice. When she saw Katie enter her bedroom and shut the door, she continued. “She’s only six--she’ll get the hang of it.”
Michael rubbed his eyes with his fingers and then swept his hands through his short buzz cut. He loosened his tie before removing it completely and draping it over Katie’s now-empty chair. In their small suburban house outside of Washington, D.C., it was hard to find real solitude when something got on your nerves.
“I didn’t mean to yell,” said Michael, somewhat apologetically. “But it’s the second time this week. I know she wants to be a big girl, but there’s nothing wrong with her drinking out of the plastic cups for a while longer. And do you know what it would cost me to get this suit dry-cleaned if she would have spilled it on me?”
Maggie ignored him and started sweeping up the wet pieces of glass into a small dustpan. She was almost finished when the doorbell rang.
“Finish your dinner, hon, I’ll see who it is,” she said. The last few weeks had been stressful around the house, ever since Michael wrote a negative report on the performance capabilities of a proposed project, causing his employer, the Department of Defense, to halt its pre-production planning. Although he did the right thing, most of Michael’s fellow employees saw it otherwise—they had worked for years to develop the project to where it was, and having it “killed” so close to final approval was galling. It was one thing to work in a place where you didn’t get along with your co-workers; it was another thing entirely to work in a place where they actively despised you.
Michael picked tentatively at his meatloaf. It was just an hour after sundown. Maybe he could take Katie
out for an ice cream and cheer her up. After all, he thought as he heard his wife invite somebody in, it really wasn’t her fault. She’s just a kid, and kids always try to act more grown-up than they really are.
Maggie poked her head in through the kitchen doorway. He thought she was still as pretty as when he married her, even if middle-age had come for them both. “Hon, it’s someone here to see you. They said they work for one of your contractors.” She paused and then continued. “I’ll go talk to Katie.”
Michael pushed his plate away and draped his napkin over it. It was highly unusual—and probably against Department regulations—for independent contractors to visit an employee outside of working hours. If this is about the project, he thought while standing up, I’ll really give them a piece of my mind.
On his living room couch sat two perfectly ordinary looking fellows in well-made three-piece suits, each with a briefcase and wearing dark sunglasses. They sat stiffly, carefully eyeing everything in the room. They stood up as soon as he walked in.
“Michael Tintsman?” queried one of the men.
“Yes.”
“We have a message for you. ‘Next time, leave well enough alone.’”
With that, each of the two men removed their sunglasses. Suddenly their faces seemed to meld and contort—their foreheads became more prominent, their lips curled up into a snarl, and their teeth grew into fangs. The flesh on their fingers pulled back, revealing sharp claws.
“Look at him,” said one of the visitors to his companion. “He’s scared like a little girl.”
The other one laughed and then reached forward and grabbed Michael by the collar with one hand and threw him across the room. Michael sailed through the air, hitting the wall on the far side and landing splayed out on the floor.
Maggie heard the commotion and came running into the room. The other stranger grabbed her by the neck and lifted her into the air. She gurgled and gasped, trying to free herself from his hand. Her legs kept pumping, as if she were running through the air, but he held her firmly. He shook her from side to side slowly, and within seconds the life ebbed out of her and she stopped kicking. He threw her lifeless corpse on the floor, smiling the whole time.
Michael was in a daze. Lights and voices flashed all around him, but he couldn’t seem to make anything out. He knew he was in danger, and that Maggie and Katie had to be protected. He tried to raise himself off the floor, but it was as if steel weights were holding him down. “You sure we’re s’posed to leave him alive?” he heard a disembodied voice say.
“Yeah. Angel said to take care of anyone else but to leave him kicking. That way he’d really get the message.”
“I think there’s one left.”
“Well, let’s get her. I’m hungry.”
Mercifully, Michael Tintsman blacked out completely before he could see what happened next.

Hell Frozen Over Coming Soon

It's been hard to find the time and energy to blog much the past couple of weeks, but I don't want this blog to languish completely. The perfect solution is for me to post stuff I've already written for some other purpose. So, having just discovered tonight that I can copy-and-paste from a PDF, I'm going to serialize Hell Frozen Over, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer novel I wrote several years ago. I can't vouch for it, having not read it since it was finished, but hey--writing a whole novel, any novel, even a Buffy novel, is still something of an accomplishment so I'm going to consider myself proud :)

A few years back, I posted about my experience writing it here and here.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Move On, Move On, Nothin' To See Here Folks

Jhaeman's Detritus has hit one of its occasional slowdowns in posts, mainly because I am once again busy revising my dissertation at night. But the worm must turn, so check back from time to time and there should be some new stuff.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Browns' First Preseason Game


Tonight was the Browns' first preseason game, against the reigning Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers.

As you can see from the photo on the right, I watched the game with the Browns' biggest infant fan. Boomer's Browns socks and my jersey are courtesy of his Aunt Stacy & Uncle Aethan, while The Wife contributed the little guy's cool football shirt (notably absent is Boomer's Browns soother, but he doesn't use them very much anymore . . .). I look kinda goofy in the photo, probably because hats, in The Wife's opinion, make me look like a Make-A-Wish kid.

As for the game itself, the Browns looked great. Colt McCoy had a near-perfect game, completing 9/10 passes for 135 yards and a TD. The running game wasn't spectacular, but it moved the chains and Peyton Hillis got a 3 yard TD run. I still think the Browns are weak in the wide receiver department, but having a couple of good tight ends should help. As for the defense, the pass rush made some big plays in the second half, causing three fumbles (and returning one for a TD). The pass defense looks porous, however, as the Packers' first, second, and third string QBs moved the ball down the field pretty well.

All in all, not a bad way to start the preseason and a little bit of hope that this season will be better than the last two.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Being and Becoming

In 2007, I took one of those major gambles in life that can have future-altering consequences. I chose to leave a full-time position teaching legal writing at a small law school in Detroit in the hopes that I could land in a Ph.D. program in Toronto and eventually earn a true tenure-track position teaching traditional doctrinal subjects like constitutional law. For the past year and more, it seemed like a pretty foolish decision: my job search went almost nowhere for quite some time and it was hard not to become discouraged and depressed. Once out of academia, I couldn't seem to find a way back in and it began to seem like I had blown my one chance. I was even planning to write a not-too-self-pitying blog post about how gambles don't always pay off, but that you should never regret gambling on yourself.

But life has a funny sense of humor, so long after I had given up on the idea and started planning to be a stay-at-home dad for a few years and then figure out another career, an application I had sent in months before and forgotten about pans out.

So, now I'm moving to Australia to become a law professor. It's the culmination of everything I've been working for over the past several years, and I am frankly ecstatic about it! I'll be teaching doctrinal courses like I've always wanted, have a course load that will allow me to continue research and writing, and, if all goes well over the next several years, I'll have the chance to earn the security for me and my family that comes with a tenured position. The people I've been communicating with at the law school have been gracious and welcoming, and the school is paying for our flights, moving expenses, temporary accommodation, etc.

Taking advantage of the opportunity does come with new challenges. Moving to another continent is a major undertaking from a logistics point of view, even if we're not moving until January. The Wife is sacrificing nearness to her cats and Kingston relatives, while our parents are sacrificing nearness to their grandson. I'm taking on the responsibility of learning a whole new legal system and becoming the family's breadwinner for the first time in years.

But despite these challenges, I know this is the right decision. Although I don't believe in fate or destiny, I do believe that there's a certain life I want to lead and a certain role in the world I want to have. This is it.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Final Fantasy II (Dawn of Souls) [Games]


I am very slowly working my way through the Final Fantasy series on my DS. Last May, I finished the first one. This week I finally got around to finishing the second one. This time, the world is under the crushing heel of an evil emperor, and the heroes (three created at the beginning, with a fourth spot for characters rotating in and out) are conscripted by the rebellion to overthrow him. Unlike the first game, this one sticks to a purely fantasy setting, so no robots or time-travel. There's no classes, and the experience system is somewhat unusual (there's a small random chance after every fight that an ability or skill will improve, with the chance altered by what happened during the fight--probably the most realistic, actually, but not necessarily the most satisfying from the player's perspective). The graphics are actually pretty good for a game of its era, especially cut-scenes and spell effects. As before, I found myself getting stuck a couple of times and having to shamefully seek recourse in an online walkthrough--how did my skills atrophy so much from when I was a teenager? One of the frustrating things about the combat system is that a fight takes place every few steps you take and you never "clear" an area, which means that exploration and back-tracking can be a tedious process. Another mildly irksome thing is that, like Return of the King, there are a few false endings where you think you're done and ready to move on only to learn there's more to go. Anyway, after 24 hours and fifteen minutes of gameplay (59,523 steps), here's how my characters ended up:

ELRIC 2314 Hit Points, 102 Magic Points, 99 Attack, 11-99% Accuracy, 70 Defense, 5-99% Evasion, 12-60% Magic Defense. Equipment: Sun Blade, Diamond Shield, Genji Helm, Power Vest, Giant's Glove (this was my front rank warrior)

JULY 2655 Hit Points, 169 Magic Points, 182 Attack, 10-99% Accuracy, 107 Defense, 5-71% Evasion, 12-65% Magic Defense. Equipment: Defender, Cat Claws, Twist Headband, Dragon Armor, Genji Gloves (my primary spellcaster, specializing in Fire)

BRYN 3146 Hit Points, 50 Magic Points, 109 Attack, 10-99% Accuracy, 96 Defense, 5-41% Evasion, 12-60% Magic Defense. Equipment: Rune Axe, Ice Shield, Giant's Helm, Genji Armor, Giant's Glove (my axe specialist and second-string spellcaster, specializing in Thunder)

TAIM 2126 Hit Points, 37 Magic Points, 167 Attack, 10-99% Accuracy, 85 Defense, 4-0% Evasion (?), 8-7% Magic Defense. Equipment: Ice Brand, Poison Axe, Diamon Helm, Diamond Armor, Diamond Gloves (filled the rotating spot at the end of the game)

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dungeon Crawl Classics # 14: Dungeon Interludes (Part 1)


Today was an interesting experiment that helped answer the question: is it possible to play an RPG while parenting? "Yes, but not very well" is my interpretation of the results. With friends from the old Clone Wars campaign visiting here in Kingston, we decided to try another D&D module using the same characters from Malice of the Medusa (at least, Garnet the Gnome Bard and Morgan the Cleric were the same; The Wife decided to dedicate Daisy to the FR campaign and play a new character, a monk). This time, we tried "Eyes of the Night", the first part of Dungeon Interludes (DCC # 14). This adventure, designed to be completed in one session, sees the PCs enter an underground, rat-infested labryinth seeking to discover what's responsible for the massacre of the town above. Ultimately, they fight a tough were-rat in order to rescue a humanoid plant creature. It's perfectly average as a dungeon crawl, though much tougher than I initially thought, as dire rats and the big bad nearly finished off the PCs before they narrowly won. The adventure is designed to plant the seeds that tie all six of the adventures in Dungeon Interludes together (though they're not to be played consecutively as the levels vary drastically), but my PCs didn't ask about and had no real reason to be told about the connection, a gem called The Eye of Night. Anyway, it's certainly not the module's fault that we didn't exactly have the most satisfying gaming event ever--we just didn't plan well, as we only had a couple of hours to game, had to take a long break at an awkward time, kept getting interrupted, and just generally found it too distracting to take care of a little guy and role-play at the same time. So, a good lesson learned: schedule gaming for after Boomer's bedtime!

Although we didn't get to it this weekend, I picked up the new Gamma World boxed set so that someday I can try my hand at post-apocalyptic mutant fun . . .