The Diary of Jizana M'rell: Entry # 6 [RPG]

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Sian is here now, and to use a crusty old analogy, the past weeks have lost their substance like a dream (or nightmare?) loses its reality upon awakening.  I can hardly be around her without smiling like a little girl.  The Jedi Masters and the Rules and the Dark Side Spirits and the Intrigue all seem stuffy and somewhat silly when we're together.  I had forgotten how much I missed her.  Now she really is all I have left and I'm not going to lose her too.

Of course, what happened before is all-too-real and very serious.  The other day I was almost choked to death by Fremad.  I suppose you could say "we had a falling out."  I must give Carn credit, Fremad was as powerful as he said.  Yet I knew I could handle him, and I was right.  I can do anything when I put my mind to it, the Jedi will see that someday and ask me back.  The experience was not one I wish to repeat, of course--drawing him inside me felt--I don't know . . . dirty.  Still, I wish Fremad had not been a spirit so I could have seen his face when he realized I knew his weakness.  The others think he's destroyed, but I know he is not.  This is not over, but I am ready.

The others laugh because Bes has kicked me out of the Academy.  Will they still laugh when they find out I am now an Instructor?  I'll be researching and teaching philosophy and history.  Though I'm really only staying because Sian is here.  I mean, I like philosophy and history but I'm not passionate enough about it to do it for the rest of my life.  But it's not like I have many options here.

Bes said something about me and the Darkside and that's why I couldn't continue training.  What a joke!  Have I ever lied, stolen, killed, or intentionally harmed anyone for any reason?  And how quickly they forget!  I was the one who stopped the Sarama from sending a message from the Holoterminal.  When Orowisp was hurt and the others were standing around mumbling, I was the one who did what was necessary to get to the library and find out what the hell was going on.  When Carn was hurt, who did he call for help?  Me.  When Fremad was sending lightning bolts and hurling trees, who had the guts to do whatever it took to stop him?  I did.  Darkside indeed.  Trust me, if I had wanted to go over to their "darkside" they would know it.  (and who has ever heard of an evil pacifist?)  They'll see though--anything a Jedi can do, I will do better.  And when Master Bes begs me to take the Trials and become a Knight, I may just say "yes."

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