Gender Chasing

FROM THE ARCHIVES (Daily Nebraskan columns)

Gender Chasing

Movie brings issues of bisexuality to forefront

Jeremy Patrick (jhaeman@hotmail.com)

January 18, 2000

For the depraved among you who haven't yet seen my all-time favorite movie, "Chasing Amy" is the story of two comic book writers who are best friends. One of the pair, Holden (Ben Affleck), falls in love with a beautiful and funny writer named Alyssa (Joey Lauren Adams). One problem though - Alyssa's a lesbian. Or at least that's what she thinks. Alyssa eventually realizes that she's in love with Holden as well. There's a lot of things I like about this movie. Besides my crush on Ben Affleck, there's a hilarious appearance by Jay and Silent Bob. And I can relate to the whole comic book theme, having been a collector as a kid. But the heart of the movie is the relationship between Holden and Alyssa and the effects it has on Holden's relationship with his best friend.

I didn't like this movie the first time I saw it. In fact, I was somewhat offended. As a "straight but not narrow" ally of the gay community, I didn't like how the film seemed to show that all lesbian Alyssa needed to fall for Holden was a good screw. Back then, my support for the gay community, like many straight people, came from a belief that straight or gay, people are born that way, and there's nothing they can do about it. And this belief has allowed for tremendous progress in the face of the Religious Right's prattle about "choice" and "sin." But now I don't think this belief is entirely accurate. There's not just two categories of sexuality (gay or straight) that everyone falls into. Sexuality is a continuum, with homosexuality on one end and heterosexuality on the other end, and in reality, most people don't fall completely on one end or the other.

I came to see the true complexity of sexuality when I realized that the feelings I had for my best friend were not of mere friendship - I had the same hopes and confusions about him that I had for girls I'd been in love with. I began to realize that many of my friendships with guys in the past had this same element of attraction, but I never let myself realize it consciously. Yet realizing that I could love a man didn't destroy my desire or ability to love women. The more I become involved with the gay community, the more I come to think that many of the people who consider themselves "gay" or "lesbian" have had, and could have, happy romantic relationships with someone of the opposite sex as well. But we're all pressured to pick one or the other and stick with it. To this day I'm sometimes guilty of identifying myself as homosexual. People understand "gay," even if they don't like it. Saying I'm bisexual seems to make people think I'm either actually gay but afraid to admit it, I'm confused or that I'm just some kind of greedy sex fiend. Indeed, when I came out to my parents as bisexual, they told me that if I were gay they would support me "because then I couldn't help it," but being bisexual is a "choice" and that I should just "choose" women.

But more and more young people are identifying themselves as "bi," "queer," or "pansexual" to avoid narrow labels. Several celebrities like Angelina Jolie, Megan Mullally ("Karen" on Will & Grace) and Margaret Cho have come out as bi in the past few months.

I saw "Chasing Amy" again recently. There's a scene where Alyssa tells Holden that she's been ostracized by all of her lesbian friends for dating him. He asks her why she dated girls in the first place, and Alyssa replies, "because I didn't want to miss out on my chance to find that one special person just because they were of the same gender."

That scene ties the whole film together. Alyssa wasn't a "lesbian" made "straight" by a good screw or two. She was someone looking for love and not afraid of where she might find it. I think that most of us, if we would let ourselves, could fall in love with someone of either gender as well. Like Alyssa in "Chasing Amy," I too hope that one day I'll meet that one special person who will change my life forever - and if I ever do, I won't turn him or her away because he or she happens to have (or not have) a penis.