Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Secret Ninja Druid

In my goofy-idea department of past role-playing game characters, this one is right up there. When I was a teenager, we had been playing second edition AD&D for quite a while when everyone decided to roll up first-level characters for a new sword-and-sorcery campaign. I must have recently purchased The Complete Ninja Handbook or something, because I decided I had to play a ninja, which were kind of like fighter-thieves with a lot of special rules. Except, I didn't want any of the other players to know I was going to be playing a ninja. So I created an elaborate (to my mind) deception, in which I would purport to be a druid. Now, this Cunning Masquerade of Staggering Genius involved the following elements:

1. I wrote DRUID at the top of my character sheet in large caps, so anyone casually glancing at my character sheet would think that I was, in fact, playing a druid.

2. I had my character carry around a scimitar, since that was one of the few bladed weapons druids were allowed to wield under the rules.

3. I scoured dozens of optional rulebooks until I found a Nonweapon Proficiency named Cantrips that allowed a non-spellcaster to throw a handful of zero-level spells.

4. I told everyone I was playing a druid.

Now, you're probably thinking "Wow, with a disguise that perfect, no one would ever figure out that this purported druid was actually a ninja. And also, you, Jeremy, should move to Hollywood and work in movies because you are a master of illusion." Au contraire, believe or not, my veil of druid-ness (druidity?) was pierced!

I don't think I even made it through the first session before the others were all "Why don't you cast some freakin' healing spells?" That, and the fact that I couldn't have actually performed any cool ninja stuff unless it was through secret notes, rendered the whole concept pretty ridiculous.

I think the character lasted maybe two sessions before dying. My character sheet for him shows him at the sad state of -10 hit points, but only a few hundred XP from reaching the heights of Level 2. And I guess because I was so concerned with writing DRUID at the top of his character sheet, I never even wrote down his name.

Goodbye, unnamed Secret Ninja Druid, may you live on in some Valhalla-like realm full of idiots who never realize your hidden identity . . .


AC: -1
Hit Points: -10

Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Level: 1 (XP: 880/1250)

Height: 6'1, Weight: 180, Age: 18

Strength: 17
Dexterity: 18
Constitution: 17
Intelligence: 14
Wisdom: 11
Charisma: 13

Saves: PPD 13, RSW 14, PP 12, BW 16, SP 15

Languages: Common, Special [Was "Special" my code for ninja handtalk or something?]

Weapon Proficiencies: Broadsword, Cutlass, Katana/Bokken, Khopesh, Longsword, Ninja-to, Scimitar, Chaise [What the hell is a "Chaise"? Isn't that French for "couch"? Was I proficient in couch-fighting?]

Nonweapon Proficiencies: Aki-Jitsu, Persuasion, Acting, Disguise, Cantrips

Base Thief Skills: Pick Pockets 10, Open Locks 15, Find/Remove Traps 5, Move Silently 60, Hide in Shadows 60, Detect Noise 10, Climb Walls 40, Read Languages 0


1 comment:

The Wife said...

You're funny, baby. I enjoyed this - and it reminded me that one of our players, in our Star Wars campaign, on catching Arresta in her shadowsuit engaged in some activities far removed from her normal "princess" habits, dubbed her the "Secret Ninja Princess". I was quite taken with that. Of course, she actually is, both a secret ninja, and a Princess, so....